Mommin’ Ain’t Easy (but it Also Ain’t Real)

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“Mommin’ ain’t easy.” – All moms, everywhere.

I’m not sure who first said these words, but I think they’re wrong.

“Ain’t easy” is an epic understatement.

Mommin’ is different level hard.  Keeping one or more tiny humans alive is hard. Keeping them alive, though, is just mothering.

Mothering and mommin’ are two totally different concepts.

Mothering means you meet their basic needs and make sure they don’t turn out to be serial killers, if you have time.

Mommin’, on the other hand…

Mommin’ means you are raising future Bill Gates/Ghandi hybrids.  Their emotional, mental, spiritual and social well-being is your first and foremost concern, at all times.

Mommin’ means their happiness is the barometer of your worth as a parent.

Mommin’ means you must document every cherished moment (at exactly the right angle with exactly the right filter applied).  Forget family photo albums and home movies.  Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram are your wheelhouse now.  If you don’t have at least four social media accounts, then you obviously aren’t even trying.

Mommin’ sounds kind of awful, doesn’t it? 

It is.  It’s the worst.  It sucks all of the joy, authenticity and purity out of being a mom.  You can’t just be you, you have to be a compilation of all the best parts of every other mom you follow on social media.

There is something so powerful about the visualization of other people’s most edited and filtered moments. It’s almost impossible not to compare.  It’s almost impossible to believe that your family’s moments are just as magical, if not more so, when they are spontaneous, unscripted and undocumented.  It’s hard to believe that it still counts, even if the entire internet doesn’t know about it.

I’d love to say I’m the mom who rises above mommin’.  I’m totally not, though.  I get sucked in, too.  I have a fancy camera, multiple social media accounts, and several photo editing apps (mobile and desktop).  I’ve thrown quite a few themed birthday parties over the past seven years.  It’s not my intent to disparage any of those activities or the moms who rock at them.

BUT…when we feel we have to do ALL the things ALL the time or we’ve failed at our role as mother…that’s a problem.

I often forget that my job is not to give my kids a perfect childhood.  My job is to raise them to be decent human beings.  To teach them to know right from wrong, and to see the value in choosing the former.  To love them unconditionally, while also laying down the law when they screw up.

It is my job to let them experience loss, and failure, and disappointment.

It is my job to stand by and watch them struggle to get back on their feet when life has sucker punched them.

It is my job to teach them how to live without me.

Mommin’ ain’t easy, but it also ain’t real.

Being their Mom – what I’m doing and saying and teaching when the internet isn’t watching – that is what is real. That is what is lasting. That is what they will take with them long after I am gone.

I’m done mommin‘.  It’s enough to just be their Mom.